i just needed to write something so i could sleep. dont read this unless u want to lol

i shouldnt look back to the past but i still did.  somehow i feel a lot better and reassured about what i want in my life.  although it did bring back good memories, they’re just memories and are buried away. 

“love” is the most dangerous drug.  it causes people to do stupid things.  Although people know what should be done and what would be best, love makes people disoriented and people end up satisfying what they feel resulting in a waste of time and sadness.  people could be doing more productive things than cry over stupid shit. 

life is unpredictable and take for granted everything you have. things can change instantly and that thing/person that you always took for granted wont be there anymore.  this doesnt only apply to relationships tho.  for example, looking back at my senior yr, i gave my mom a lot of shit.  too the point where she wanted to commit suicide.  Ill never forgive myself for putting her through that pain and misery but i always try to make time for her now a days when i get back from Worcester.  Another example would be the Virginia Tech shooting.  who would of known there was going to be a shooting that day? it could of happened anywhere.  My last example is WPI.  OMG at least back at north there were some girls…now there are no girls. w0ot! (nothing like bashing on wpi)

my anger and all those feelings that i had back then are all gone.  i understand now and will never forget my mistakes.  its never just a one-sided thing and i realize that now.  maybe it was the stress of senior yr, but damn i overreacted so much.  i was dedicated and loving and tried my best but sometimes relationships are a lot more than that.  i cant always let people walk up all on me and i need to take a stand about stupid shit.

i’m happy for you and your boyfriend. i never said it before cuz i didnt mean it before. im happy you could find someone who could spend more time with you and perhaps be more dedicated than i was.  enjoy your time together because life is short.

for once someone loved me for me, even anthony saw that.  ive had ups and downs through out the year and although this has been bothering me for awhile whether when im sleeping or listening to a song, i think this is the last thing that put my soul to rest. 

even if i never find “love” (which is quite possible cuz wpi fucks me over everyday), its okay.  being alone made me find my passions.  yeah i love kung fu/fighting, lion dancing, weight lifting/ nutrition, and dancing….but the biggest passion i have is meeting new people and making them happy.  theres a lot of negativity in this world and there no reason to keep on spreading it.  to be passionate about something is a real miracle and is a real gift

if i become a pharmacist, who needs a girl when i can buy a new “baby camry” =]

on a side note…i feel real bad for people who start drama.  they’re just looking for attention.  word of advice: if you got something to say, mind as well say it in front of their face.  at least in my case i would have a lot more respect and would take in consideration of what they have to say.  after all no ones perfect right?

OR you can be a pussy, start a fight for no reason, and get your ass kicked.

time to eat my cottage cheese desert shit. gotta lift tomorrow. IRON ADDICT TRAINEE RIGHT HERE



Man im getting really old.

I can hardly believe it my freshman yr is already done!
so much has already happened this yr and ive learned so much about myself, balancing things out, and people.
I really miss the old days of me n lenny shooting seagulls with super soakers or like taking the 57 and then green line out to where ever.

even these days im pretty busy with shit and dont have enough time to relax.
After coming back from the sausage fest, i usually buy something for my granny to eat and visit her.
Saturdays i work and try to see my friends n chill.  Sunday i do my cardio and go to kung fu.  Free time is left for doing homework. 

Coming back home aint the same anymore.  It seems like im so isolated from everybody else life sometimes.  Worcester I barely have any friends.  Hopefully next yr Ill meet some new ppl in worcester so it wouldnt be too bad. 

school fucking blows as usual.  theres always something due or something to study for.  but hey imma try to graduate early so yeah.  i have to admit its not horrible living up there…but i wish things would change.  I guess im some what involved with the school.  Im public relations for korean and chinese culture club, member of the viet club, national society of black engineers (YEAH I HAVE MY “BLACK CARD” LOL), and about to join break dancing club or w/e.  At school u can usually find me at the gym or practicing my dancing at midnight.  But fo real my life doesnt really feel complete right now. 

Just my outlook on life so i can sleep better tonight.

btw circle by marques houston is an awesome song

this song is good too


Now for something more serious.  People these days are so fucking psycho and just need to chill the fuck out.  Im so grateful that my cousin grady is safe and even crazier that shooting was in his dorm.  But for the people there werent lucky may you guys rest in peace.