“They say people in your life are seasons, and anything that happen is for a reason”

For some reason today’s songs don’t really capture my feelings, but leave that to old school Kanye West.

I’m happy these days focusing on myself, meeting new people, and starting new adventures. Hiring a virtual assistant significantly changed my life… I’m able to help my friends and family from things like looking for apartments to available flu shots. It helps me maintain order and fun in my life as well. Being a student, CVS intern, and freelancer isn’t always easy, so I delegate my painful tasks to my VA and it frees my time for frenum piercings, cow milking, ziplining, and gun shooting. Plus how cool is it to be like “Mr. Yee wants to set up a lunch appointment with you… do you have time?” =)

“They say people in your life are seasons, and anything that happen is for a reason”…

People coming and leaving in my life has always taken a huge toll on me. In the past, I always felt the need to resist these feelings and forced myself to “just be happy”. However, it’s so much easier and healthier to simply accept my feelings of numbness, jealousy, sadness, or anger. In the end “it is what it is” and I’m dealing with my problem it one day at a time. Letting go is always difficult, but I’m the one who controls my happiness and future.

One of the biggest lessons, I’ve learned recently is never to take anything for granted. With my last relationship, I always thought things were fine, but in reality I was dead wrong. Even though I would of made changes to work things out, it would all be in vain. Relationships are supposed to be mutual and I deserve that. In the end, it just turns out I’m the sucker who would do more to make things workout. But that’s okay. Just like this song, it talks about being honest with yourself in a world that isn’t fair or honest. I’m not sad or depressed anymore… just a realist.

http://www.vevo.com/VideoPlayer/Embedded?videoId=USUV70502481&playlist=false&autoplay=0&playerId=62FF0A5C-0D9E-4AC1-AF04-1D9E97EE3961&playerType=embedded&env=0

“And I heard ’em say, nothin ever promised tomorrow today.
nothing’s ever promised tomorrow today
but we’ll find a way
and nothing lasts forever but be honest babe
it hurts but it may be the only way”

Pharmacy school

A week ago, I thought about how I sacrificed so much to be here in pharmacy school. My relationships in the past have suffered and there’s time with friends and family that can never be replaced. However, something new hit me yesterday. Even though I’ve sacrificed a lot, I’m gaining new opportunities and I’m not only talking career wise.

Never in my life have I ever met such motivated and driven people. We all have the same goal with getting our PharmD of course, but it’s more than that. We’re all here to help people out. Over the last year, I’ve seen in person how we are helping out the community. I see how we help each other during school. Seeing all this helps me develop better as a person and is vastly different than my experience at WPI (undergraduate). Back in a school with mostly FOBs, it was dog eat dog and people screwed each other all the time. I’m really happy with what I do and I’m excited to meet next years students (I’m a peer mentor baby!). Although I sometimes really think that our school, MCPHS =(, tries to keep us down, it’s refreshing to know that we all look out for each other and I’ll always have support in times of difficulty. 🙂

 

One day a time =T

I’m not going to lie, if been having horrible luck these past two weeks. Everything from relationship problems, credit card fraud, family issues, bombing my exams in school, and even getting my first “speeding ticket” (which the cop told me to appeal it) has happened to me. I’ll be honest its been really tough on me and I sometimes wonder why this is happening to me. I know I’m a good person, but not a perfect person. I know life isn’t fair, but sometimes its just a hard to swallow (no homo).

At the same time, I’m at that point where I simply don’t give a shit anymore. Although recently bad events have been happening to me, I just need to get through it. Like Wendy said, if I keep on focusing on the negative things and things I don’t have in life I’ll never be happy. In fact, I’m taking it one step further by trying new things, starting new adventures, and meeting new people. Especially after relationship, I’ve just been talking to a lot of my friends I’ve lost touch with. One thing that Mio said to me that opened my eyes is that I’m still young and single. I keep on forgetting that single part and its so important. I have the rest of my life to commit to someone, but NOW is the time for me.

With this extra time, I’ve been doing things for myself, which I rarely do. As much as I don’t like to admit it, I’ve always such a giving person to others, but not to myself. I have big dreams ahead of me and a bright future. Already within these two weeks, I’ve launched my personal training services, hired a virtual assistant (PROBABLY THE BEST THING EVER), went on trips to the beach, Moheggan Sun casino, and a random trip to NYC (thanks Yen and Linda). I think I’m doing a better job of cutting weight and gaining muscle. I’m also planning to cut hours at CVS in order to make more time for myself to meet up with old friends and do what I want for a change. I even finally got closure from my older ex, Zarina. I feel so much better doing that and talking everything out. HELL, I even donated blood for the first time today!

(All this I’ll post a video up via VLoggin 🙂 )

However, all these things I probably wouldn’t have done, if I wasn’t single.

I even have future plans to hire Jen to redo and expand my website for my protein business (going to re-launch that soon) and I want to finish my $1000 freelancing course. I want to do the 101 Things Before I Die (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1582344930), which includes bungee jumping from a hot air balloon and sky diving the rest of the way down. I’m going to get my frenum piercing (penis surface piercing), milk a cow, shoot at a range, get my motorcycle license, get my gun license, and go on a hot air balloon. I will always better myself… both physically and mentally with or without someone by my side. Being in this relationship for so long, I just forgot how fun spontaneity is.

However, as eventful as my life has been recently I can’t help but feel I was forced into this situation. I try to make the best of it, but hell I’m only human. I can’t deny the fact that I’m angry, upset, and depressed. However, at the same time I know life goes on and if things were meant to be, it’ll end up that way. I wish things were different, but that’s okay… life always throws curve balls at me and I’ll get through it. Although sometimes I really don’t want to let go, I know I eventually need to for my sake. I’m not going to hope that you won’t be seeing and sleeping with new guys… that’s just not realistic. What I do hope is that we’re both happy in the end, whether we’re together or not.

I’ve had lots of support from all my friends. A lot of my friends just text me, just to see if I’m okay or see how I’m doing. It’s touching to have so many people just ask me how I’m doing. Sometimes it’s really the small things that matter the most.

After seeing this relationship end, I really wonder and think about how much I’ve sacrificed just to study at pharmacy school and I wonder if it’ll be all worth it. When I think about it, I’ve basically sacrificed family time, relationships, and other things that probably can never be replaced. It takes a huge toll on me and definitely hasn’t been healthy. I know part of it is just simply time management, but that’s just the way it is… Hopefully one day I’ll be happy when I get through this.

For now, I’m just going to continue the daily grind and enjoy the adventures I will have. Even though shit has been really tough, people would still kill to be in my shoes. After all this shit happened to me, there’s one thing I am amazing at… bettering myself in times like these.

Peace out kneegrow. =)

Kevin Yee