Kwanzaa, Disembowelment, First World Problems

Christmas, Thanksgiving, and New Years are probably my favorite holidays.  Despite the cold New England weather, everyone seems more genuine (somewhat) and there’s that holiday spirit going around. Even though it these holidays don’t have that same feeling as when I was younger, it definitely makes me more aware of how much I have.  Like every holiday, no matter how I think my life is, nothing can really compare to what my family went through to get to America and escape China.

I mean really… how could I ever compare my life experiences with hiding in a pond full of snakes from the Japanese Army during WWII? Or even worse… witnessing disembowelment of your family and friends. I always say I know I life a privileged life, but do I really know? Some of the things that trouble me are so minor compared to what my family went through. A bad breakup? Three exams in one week? Seriously. First world problems, bro. And when even comparing my first world problems to other people, its really not that bad.

For example my family is somewhat broken. My dad had a troubled childhood without his father… eventually that pain negatively affected his career, social life, and motivation. Add that frustration with not wanting to be a father. Yep, you can imagine how that turned out. In my eyes, it always seemed like my dad took his anger and frustration on my mom and I. Throughout my teenage years, I’ve always struggled with my self confidence. No matter how well I did in school or achievements, it never seemed enough for him and I would still get yelled at. However, eventually I rebelled and yep… got kicked out of the house for awhile and here I am today! 

Strangely, that tension between my dad and I brought my mom and I closer. We both experienced everything together and she witnessed the struggle I had. To make a long story short though, my dad gave me no support, while my mom gave me 12328321%. Some people don’t have any support from their family and hell some families actually demotivate their kids.

Shit where was I going with this? I don’t remember.

Anyways, I’m going to enjoy 2012 (1 year until the world ends yay) and I have no idea where it’s going to take me. Although 2011 brought me periods of excitement, love, rebellion depression, heartbreak, and reevaluation, its time to look ahead, forget about the past. GOGOGOGO

Best wishes to you guys into the new year and stay safe,




Someday one day

I was going to write a Thanksgiving post but I’m really not feeling it right now. I’ll probably do it later this Friday or something.

I’m having one of those moments where I can’t deny I’m feeling a bit emo. Like any addiction, sometimes I just relapse. Part of me is like damn Kevin your still hurt? At times I feel like I’m just forcing myself to be happy. I need to take better care of myself emotionally as well, but I feel so cold and heartless right now. I care too much sometimes and its hard to emotionally detach myself from people. It’s always been my weakness and I need to find a better way to do it. Whatever, I know this feeling will pass just like all the other times.

 Christina Milian explains it pretty well…

“I get so cold summer feels like the winter
When I’m at home, all alone I just cry
I wish that I could just lie like I’m happy
But I can’t hide this hurt inside”

Back to work.