Today will be the best day ever.
Honestly I had a pretty rough morning. My body is beat. I’m going through a cold right now. So I tried waking up and took a cold shower.
I’m at Document Coffee right now. Sipping on a cold brew.
Because I want more from my life. I don’t want to settle. I want to great things in life. Wow. No lie sounding like Donald Trump for a bit.
To me, it’s more than having “great” things. I think creation of great things means so much more. Whether it’s a cool video, song, or post. It doesn’t matter.
And in that aspect that’s what I realize what art is truly about. Connecting people together. That’s the real value.
In some sort of way getting up in the morning is a way I tell myself never to give up. Never lose hope. Even when you feel like complete ass, don’t stop the momentum for your dreams.
Because I think the total opposite situation. The days where I would just wait… to die.
Days where I had no idea where my life was going. I would watch TV everyday and lose momentum. Days where I felt like no one cared what I was doing. Shit. Days when I didn’t care about what I was doing.
And sometimes I ask myself that same question. What am I doing with my life?
I’m inspire and coach people. I’m the life long student, who might not be “extrodinary” at anyone thing, but who is a boss at putting things together. I love learning… especially about people and the experiences.
And through YouTube I connect with people. With Instagram, I share my mini stories even though I know it won’t go “viral”. Did I say know? I mean expect. Affiliate marketing keeps me humble by reminding me that I know nothing and never to assume anything. Through jiujitsu and martial arts, I learn persepctive. Knowing that getting your face punched in or choked out is far much worse than any YouTube comment. Meeting people up one on one has shown me compassion for people. Vulnerability in people.
When I think about the “best” decisions in my life?
One of them was experiencing that “cult”. Because it made me more aware and open as a person. I haven’t changed at all. And I hope to get closer and closer to accepting it.
Another was starting the morning pages because not only has it taught me “flow”, but it’s also helped me create more relatable content… and become more efficent at it.
Another was realizing that I just fucking suck sometimes… especially with my production value. As I improve my production value with YouTube, it makes me think about RH. How can I grow it? How can I make it better?
And what’s the one thing that has connected me to everything?
A lot of people say that having too many things distracts you. I definitely don’t have ADD, but I just love a lot of things in life.
Have you ever felt like bored with just focusing on one thing? When bored, you might as well be dead. No lie.
I think that’s the beauty of the ADD mind. You get to focus on so many different things. But you can’t get any of them, if you’re not focused when you’re doing it.
And I think that’s why people like Noah Kagan and Mark Zuckerberg were so focused on one goal. When you’re focused on one thing, you’re completely present. God. My hippie ass radar went through the roof.
Maybe that’s why my YouTube isn’t growing. It’s because I’m focusing on what I want to do. Personal growth and development. But I need to be different. Through the eyes of pharmacy. It’s so under represented.
We’re under utilized. Just like zdoggmd, does it in an entertaining way, I need to do the same. The home videos are cool, but I need to give it like a talk show vibe. Not like super fake, but something comedic. To feel like I’m actually fucking alive.
+Jhene Aiko and Drake
One of my favorite songs ever is From Time.
A lot of the time we think about the relationships with other people, but I started listening it through the eyes of myself.
“What are you? What are you so afraid of? Darling you. You give, but you can not take love.”
And to be honest, I don’t know what I’m so afraid of. Fear of fucking up. Fear of being a failure. Fear of disappointment.
And maybe that’s why I always give, but never feel comfortable taking from people. Is it that I’m self sufficient… or is it that I don’t want to be rejected? Because one of the highs and lows from my life is disappointment from my dad. One second I could be a total boss and have approval. But to lose it sucks.
And I realized. I try to love other people… but I never show myself love and appreciate my hard work.
I tell myself one day… I will love myself. But why not now?