I’m actually happy again

Recently I just quit Affiliate Marketing. I returned all my paid tools. I also decided to push and hold off on Life Coaching for now.

There’s just so many factors in my life.

One of the things that I’m really proud of is that I said no to these things so I could say yes to other things.

And another thing I’m proud of?

Learning about cryptocurrency and jumping into it. I even bought a course on it. I think investing into things like these is fun. I really enjoy value investing. And it really brings friends like Steven and Joe together and gives us something to talk about.

But even more than just “jumping” into what’s “hot”, this feels fun again. It’s really fun just jumping into a crazy opportunity. Honestly I don’t know how this is going to go down, but at least I can enjoy the journey.

Another thing that I’m proud of is the fact that I signed up for Accelerator and jumped on my first call to see how it worked. It’s come a long way since before and I love how I’m finally accounting for my needs as an obliger.

Another thing that I said no to recently was my coach. I just wasn’t using him enough. As an obliger, there just isn’t enough outward accountability for me. Maybe it’s considered babysitting, but I need more than that.

One thing I want to work on coming back to work is actually not stressing so much. I want to make pharmacy just fun again. If that means sales taking a dip that’s fine. At the end of the day the company doesn’t care about me. At the end of the day I’m losing my hair trying to overachieve.

Why not build my own assets and overachieve in my life instead of burning out? I am paid to do certain things. I will try my best, but I will not put my health in front of work anymore. Fuck that.

Another thing that I will do is promise to surround myself around really intelligent and smart people. This is one of my needs. I realized this at Forefront when I realized… Maybe I’m not the smartest person in the room.

And that was actually an amazing feeling. Why?

I got to learn from so many people and it feels good learning.

Another thing I am proud of myself for doing is participating in the Mental Mastry program and commenting on other people’s comments.

Even though I’m up insanely early ~2-3 AM… fuck you early morning insomnia! I’m still here. I’m still here ready to play the game. Maybe I don’t win all the time, but at least I’m making reps and taking swings.

What does that say? Constantly pushing myself is important.

But honestly as well, I’ve been resting up and putting my needs first at times. Especially sleep. If I don’t optimize this, then I will end up inevitably fucking myself over.

Sleep is essential for my mood, diet, energy, and productivity. It’s the one thing I constantly neglect and I need to focus on it again. Even as I’m typing thing out right now, I realize I’m neglecting sleep.

I need outward accountability for it. Maybe I should ask Kyessa or Sandy to help me with this and just ask me a few questions on my google documents or drive.

As far as how I’m feeling, I’m actually pretty happy these days. I realize that I need more fun in my life and things don’t have to be so serious. I realize more about myself and my tendencies.

But even more I’m relearning how to love myself and give myself space. I need to give to myself before giving to others… especially after that whole influenza thing.

That influenza stage really sucked the energy and killed me man. But it also made me extremely grateful for my own health.

Apart of me doesn’t want to go back to work. Apart of me realizes that I’m a failed entrepreneur. But one thing I also realize is that I am man that keeps trying to no matter what. Who will do anything and try anything to rewrite his story.

I think the huge financial decisions I’ve made will pay off. It’s okay to be wrong. And honestly I’m working with what I know best and what I think is the best decision at this moment.

This constant forgiveness for myself is what matters. I love myself. PALABRA.

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Rewriting my own story

Hey journal…

It feels like forever since I last typed in this. When I last journaled I was burntout and just starting the influenza.

But it’s really crazy how going through an experience like influenza can change your perspective of real life.

I think going in I was just in a weird depressive funk. But after traveling to Chicago, Hawaii, and letting myself go through the night sweats and fever, something changed about my perspective of life.

Maybe it was Ramit’s Forefront event. When Ramit was talking about rewriting your story and why you should do it. Or when Gretchen Rubin was talking about the four tendencies and I finally figured out what makes me tick.

Or Shawn Achor talking about the keys to happiness WITH the science to back it up.

Things like my coaching business blew up in my mind. Where I knew I didn’t want to be a “life coach” anymore and wanted to be a “systems/producitivity coach”. That was a huge break through. I want to be that person to help people by implementing systems and habits into people lives.

And I thought a lot about my outward accountability for my projects and my lack of them. It’s the main reason why I graduated pharmacy school, but struggle with a business model.

I think the most profound event was changing my story about myself and health. In the past I would of just toughed it out and toughed out the flu. But after coming from Forefront I was like… Fuck it. Why not call out sick?

And right there, I rewrote the story of my health and prioritizing myself.

I don’t know who said it. But I had a realization that my health is everything. You can’t run a business if you’re not well. You can’t support others if you’re sick. Everything that I want to do and accomplish depends on my health.

And that’s why it’s so important to get the right rest and exercise. To give my body the proper nutrients to not only survive, but thrive. It’s time that I start respecting myself and my own body.

And I’m so proud of myself for doing that. I’m so proud for making the decision, calling my boss, and telling him that I needed the day off.

As someone who always gives, it’s time to start giving back to myself and respecting my own needs. Because no one at the end of the day is going to give me that.

And along with respecting my body physically I thought about the people that I surround myself with as well.

When I went to the Forefront event, I felt like I was the dumbest person in the room. Out of 500 people, I probably ranked 396. Generic ass number, but there was something about being in a room where you can learn from so many people.

…and where people just understand what you’re doing and why. There’s just a mutual understanding between everyone.

And then I compare my friends like Felicia. Relationships where we’re not on the same page. People who don’t respect each other and just keep on taking from others. You can’t learn from them. They don’t have your back when you need it. Maybe they’re not a bad person, but they’re too caught up in their own head and come off as selfish.

Even worse she’s like one of those friends where she keeps taking and taking. And adding negativity and self doubt.

It’s just not a healthy relationship. And why should you disrespect yourself with shitty relationships like that?

I think about this year and my falling out with Cindy. And my life has been so much easier not dealing with that bullshit anymore. I don’t want to do deal with conditional relationships all the time. Who has time for that?

And that’s what I did. I rewrote the story of my life where I would people please and try to make everyone happy. But in the end no one is happy and I have to martyr myself every god damn time.

What kind of friendship is that if I keep on enabling that behavior with people?

Is that really what I want?

I think that part that really took the edge of with Cindy was that I could be myself again and didn’t want to put this people pleasing front with people.

If people don’t like me, it just draws the relationship closer to what it was supposed to be anyways. It’s just like a mirror. Yes you can manipulate and have a fake ass relationship… but why not see things for how they truly are instead of bullshititing a lying to yourself?

Another thing I’m so grateful for is having amazing friends who allow me to stay in their hotel room and drive me around Hawaii. So grateful in a time when I don’t have the most money around.

I’ve been thinking a lot about a rich life and what I really want. And all I want is…

1. Good people in my life
2. A business where I can help people while taking a shit
3. The ability to share rich life experiences with my family/friends and not worry about the bill
4. A community of people where we share the same thoughts and ideas and grow together

And honestly I have a lot of that already. I just want to scale up that rich life.

What I learned from the flu

So I’m sitting here in Chicago. Home of Chief Keef, Kanye, Lil Reese, and Lil Durk to name a few.

It was always my dream to visit every single hip hop mecca and I’m finally here.

Chicago seems really chill. I was talking to the Uber driver and we instantly connected over Mobb Deep. Chi-town locals definitely have their own personality.

But more importantly this week I literally thought I was dying. I caught influenza.

In pharmacy school we always hear about the body aches, chills, and “feeling you got hit by a truck”. But until you actually go through it… Damn man. It sucks ass.

Literally I wanted to call out sick every single day. So grateful for my team. My intern for filling and counseling for me and my tech for doing everything else. He even drove me to the airport. So grateful for that.

But even after those days of feeling like death, I still pulled through. I had fevers like a mother fucker and was sweating balls every night.

I forced myself to wash and do my laundry as well… which was hard in itself when you’re running a fever with chills.

…and the plane ride. So god damn uncomfortable. I kept coughing and couldn’t fall asleep. I was in so much pain. I could barely ask for water or blankets. When I walk, I’m so weak.

Even right now I’m trying to adapt to the sleep cycles and I’m all fucked up. I’m tired too… which doesn’t help.

But what I realized after all this bullshit was that it forced me to really step up and man up. I could have called in sick, but I needed the money. I didn’t anticipate me getting the flu this time either (never got in the past lol)

As I’m typing this up, it’s making me realize this is not a rich life. Where I have to do things for money to make ends meet. Where I have to put myself through so much misery to enjoy nice things.

On one end, it’s misery where we learn contrast, but it’s definitely not healthy when you’re self sabatoshing.

…and maybe that’s why I came to Forefront. To see what a rich life really was. To meet people who also want the same thing as me.

And sometimes I wonder why is god or the universe doing this to me? For some people it just seems so easy, but for me everything just feels so damn hard.

I know it’s not healthy to play victim. We feel powerless and our lives feel out of control. But there’s that part of me… which I realize that I can’t finish what I start no matter how good the plan might be.

But lets back track. What are somethings that I’ve completed? Pharmacy school. Undergrad. Ramit’s book. Lots of books. Podcasts. Uploading daily vlogs for a year. As I’m typing this up the things I typically complete are…

  1. Relatively easy in diffculty
  2. Have a set trajectory
  3. Low risk

Things that I have not been able to complete or finish…

  • Making music
  • Start my coaching business
  • Launch my product for RH
  • Affiliate marketing

Obstacles that get in the way? I feel like I’m making a mistake and even though that’s a huge hurdle I can’t get past it.

But at least I’m trying to diagnose the problem.

What are something things I can do?

  1. Change the mindset. It’s not impossible, other people have done it as well.
  2. Mitigate the risk and put it in perspective. Do I really like the things are right now? What’s the real consequence? Is it just losing money? How can I mitigate this risk? Will I have to suck dick to make things work out?
  3. There are no mistakes. Just data. No one becomes a boss overnight without a little practice.
  4. Plan in detail so when you get lost in the trenches, you don’t lose vision of the project. Sometimes shit won’t work out. It’s fine. Which brings me to the last point…
  5. Trust that I can figure out anything. Google. Pornhub. Whatever. I will hustle and grind my way to the top like a Chinese sweatshop worker.

I should get these tattooed on my next girlfriend’s tramp stamp homie and memorize that shit.

Fear is a crazy thing. It literally takes you on an emotion high jack ride. It can turn a completely sane person into the most emotional being ever.

How do you combat this fear and override it when it comes?

Navy SEALs say start with breathing. Yogi’s will probably say the same thing. Even in jiujitsu when a strong ass wrestler is putting all his weight on you, you have to breathe and just make your position better day by day.

Even by fighting off this flu, I still commit.

It doesn’t matter that I caught the flu unexpectedly. It doesn’t matter than I’m not getting a full nights rest and running on literally 5-6 hours of bullshit sleep. It doesn’t matter than my hotel room still isn’t ready.

I don’t tap out. I show up to fucking win. 

 

 

 

What am I so afraid of…?

Today will be the best day ever.

Honestly I had a pretty rough morning. My body is beat. I’m going through a cold right now. So I tried waking up and took a cold shower.

I’m at Document Coffee right now. Sipping on a cold brew.

Why?

Because I want more from my life. I don’t want to settle. I want to great things in life. Wow. No lie sounding like Donald Trump for a bit.

To me, it’s more than having “great” things. I think creation of great things means so much more. Whether it’s a cool video, song, or post. It doesn’t matter.

And in that aspect that’s what I realize what art is truly about. Connecting people together. That’s the real value.

In some sort of way getting up in the morning is a way I tell myself never to give up. Never lose hope. Even when you feel like complete ass, don’t stop the momentum for your dreams.

Because I think the total opposite situation. The days where I would just wait… to die.

Days where I had no idea where my life was going. I would watch TV everyday and lose momentum. Days where I felt like no one cared what I was doing. Shit. Days when I didn’t care about what I was doing.

And sometimes I ask myself that same question. What am I doing with my life?

I’m inspire and coach people. I’m the life long student, who might not be “extrodinary” at anyone thing, but who is a boss at putting things together. I love learning… especially about people and the experiences.

And through YouTube I connect with people. With Instagram, I share my mini stories even though I know it won’t go “viral”. Did I say know? I mean expect. Affiliate marketing keeps me humble by reminding me that I know nothing and never to assume anything. Through jiujitsu and martial arts, I learn persepctive. Knowing that getting your face punched in or choked out is far much worse than any YouTube comment. Meeting people up one on one has shown me compassion for people. Vulnerability in people.

When I think about the “best” decisions in my life?

One of them was experiencing that “cult”. Because it made me more aware and open as a person. I haven’t changed at all. And I hope to get closer and closer to accepting it.

Another was starting the morning pages because not only has it taught me “flow”, but it’s also helped me create more relatable content… and become more efficent at it.

Another was realizing that I just fucking suck sometimes… especially with my production value. As I improve my production value with YouTube, it makes me think about RH. How can I grow it? How can I make it better?

And what’s the one thing that has connected me to everything?

Focus.

A lot of people say that having too many things distracts you. I definitely don’t have ADD, but I just love a lot of things in life.

Have you ever felt like bored with just focusing on one thing? When bored, you might as well be dead. No lie.

I think that’s the beauty of the ADD mind. You get to focus on so many different things. But you can’t get any of them, if you’re not focused when you’re doing it.

And I think that’s why people like Noah Kagan and Mark Zuckerberg were so focused on one goal. When you’re focused on one thing, you’re completely present. God. My hippie ass radar went through the roof.

+YouTube

Maybe that’s why my YouTube isn’t growing. It’s because I’m focusing on what I want to do. Personal growth and development. But I need to be different. Through the eyes of pharmacy. It’s so under represented.

We’re under utilized. Just like zdoggmd, does it in an entertaining way, I need to do the same. The home videos are cool, but I need to give it like a talk show vibe. Not like super fake, but something comedic. To feel like I’m actually fucking alive.

+Jhene Aiko and Drake

One of my favorite songs ever is From Time.

A lot of the time we think about the relationships with other people, but I started listening it through the eyes of myself.

“What are you? What are you so afraid of? Darling you. You give, but you can not take love.”

And to be honest, I don’t know what I’m so afraid of. Fear of fucking up. Fear of being a failure. Fear of disappointment.

And maybe that’s why I always give, but never feel comfortable taking from people. Is it that I’m self sufficient… or is it that I don’t want to be rejected? Because one of the highs and lows from my life is disappointment from my dad. One second I could be a total boss and have approval. But to lose it sucks.

And I realized. I try to love other people… but I never show myself love and appreciate my hard work.

I tell myself one day… I will love myself. But why not now?

 

What are some major pharmacy problems?

Written on 9/14/17.

Today will be the best day ever.

Recently I’ve been so irritable at the pharmacy… and I don’t know why. Typically I love people, but there’s something at the pharmacy which has been bothering me.

Apart of me doesn’t want to help people like I used to. Another part of me is just so burnt out and I constantly tell myself that I have too much to do.

My patients feel like distractions… rather than friends. I feel so overwhelmed at the pharmacy… and there’s no end in sight. It’s the complete opposite of the tech world… where innovation is rampant.


The reason why I do well with RH and other people say I’m power is because I’m passionate. I don’t let people tell me no. I don’t let things that are “hard” get in the way. I always seek a solution.

But with pharmacy, it’s complete opposite. It’s a where “no” or just deal with it instead of innovation runs rampant. It’s where corporations just try to trap people. It’s where I have to constantly deal with uneducated dumbasses.

When I say dumbasses LITERALLY these people don’t know left from right. SMH. And when they ask you something and you tell them, they don’t listen. Only in Hollywood right?

…also I don’t like the way the person it turns me into. It’s not healthy for my psyche and I wonder how other pharmacists put up with this shit for so long. I already started looking for part time positions so I don’t have to deal with people anymore.

So annoying.

The other day I was looking at “retail burnout”. Retail burnout is exactly what I go through everyday. It’s so frustrating man. I just need to really get going with affiliate marketing.

Recently other things that have been popping through my head is the whole credit report data breach with Experian. Honestly it’s really helped me figure out ways to protect my credit especially just thawing my credit line. To be honest I have all the “credit cards” and loans that I need.

Plus it’ll help me curb spending if I need it LOL.

But it’s also helped me really help try to plan viral content. Tonight I will shoot a video about this topic. Thank god for Philip DeFranco.

I just take the remix strategy and 10x it.

Like parts he missed in the video…

  1. LifeLock or freeze your credit (Loans which affect students the most) and unthaw it as needed
  2. Grab your credit report ASAP
  3. See if your info was leaked

Also recently I’ve been horny as fuck. I just want to fuck all the time and I’ve been watching porn. Sometimes I wonder if this is healthy lol.

Also apart of me really appreciated Dr. ZDoggMD’s videos. It provides a cool alternative and he provides interesting commentary about the health care system. Perhaps I can also provide interesting insight on pharmacist problems and what not.


What are some major problems in the pharmacy world?

  1. Lack of transparency of what we do (People treat it like DMV)
  2. Not enough backing or support with current systems
    1. Who the fuck uses fax?
    2. If we’re so important then why do we get placed on hold and never get a call back?
  3. Not enough support from our current environment
    1. We have so much to do already
    2. It has to do more than everything is important
    3. If we truly care we need need to take away the clerical work from pharmacists
  4. Insurance
    1. Why the hell isn’t there a barcode system by now?
    2. Why the hell do you give patients multiple cards
    3. Change in formulary
  5. Help for older pharmacists
    1. Newer pharmacists are vastly different from older ones
    2. We’re not dispensing anymore. If we focus on this we’re going to get replaced by terminators and gun dams
  6. More recognition for techs
  7. Too expansive roles… cop, cashier, bathroom keeper… SERIOUSLY WTF etc

I’m also sick as fuck today LOL. Man. Seriously really dying. Not sure why but I’ve just been having slight colds this year and what not. Could be the lack of sleep. Or lack of exercise. Or just the really shitty food.

Today I’m also so thankful for my Victor, my tech. Honestly I thought I would lose him. But the universe took my side today and the stars are aligning. It really teaches me to be thankful for others that help drive my dreams.

Also today will mark me setting up my landing pages. Palabra foo!

Why I’m single

If you are currently in a committed relationship, how do you show up to have it be exactly as it is? How do you perceive your partner? What unconscious expectations/assumptions have each of you brought to this relationship to have it be as it is? How would you like to see it evolve? Who would you need to be in order to accomplish this? (If you are not currently in a committed relationship please answer from that place: How are you being, such that your relationship life is exactly as it is?) Minimum 2 pages

One of the reasons why I’m currently single because I show up noncommittal. One of the hardest things that I had to do was actually reach out for feedback for my relationships. My female friends that have friend zoned me have told me everything from… giving off a player vibe, to not wanting to be in a relationship, and to being “too much” work.

I asked my friend about why exactly was “too much” work.

And that non-committal aspect… people just don’t want to change that. They sense the fear in me as well. It’s a lot of work for them and I don’t know if anyone wants to really deal with that.

Right now I sense this fear. And it happens.

How it shows up in my life is when…

-People are like “You should date _____”

-There’s a cute girl in the club. I want to talk to her, but I’m paralyzed and scared shitless.

-Asking a girl on a “date”. I get overwhelmed with all the details and mechanisms of the date even though I know it doesn’t even matter

-Truly expressing myself in a unconditional manner when it comes to initiate relationships


I never really admitted that I had a problem with this but I 100% do have an intense fear that is debilitating to my life. This fear of wanting to connect or rejection, paralyzes me everything single fucking time.

I thought after Breakthrough that I would be okay in this aspect in my life. But even one girl that I was attracted to, I couldn’t even ask her on a date. I get so intimated by “beautiful” girls and instantly think that I’m not on their level. That I’m not worthy.

And I honestly have treated myself like that my whole life. That I’m not worthy of love. That I’m this lonely ronin warrior who has to carry the world on my shoulders… because people don’t love me. Or that I’m incapable of love.

And this is 100% true. Right now, I’m incapable of love because I won’t let myself BE loved. And I also don’t love myself.

Nelyn recently asked me if I was happy with myself. And honestly I was like… “Honestly no. And it’s the reason why I can’t have an unconditional relationship. If I can’t show myself unconditional love, then how can I love someone else unconditionally?”

If I were to evolve, how I envision myself is to be able to express myself unconditionally. And show myself unconditional love in the process. That way if someone didn’t feel the same way or “rejected” how I felt, then I could internally and emotionally view it as “only good things happen”. This would change a lot. It would change my businesses and allow me to leave my job because I’m not always trying to be so damn “perfect” all the time. I can deviate from my standards of perfection… without fear. If I asked someone and went on a date, I could be in that moment instead of repeating what’s in my head and focus on them. If I’m in a club, I can just go up to someone and just state how I’m feeling. I would feel free for once.

If I were to accomplish this I would need to allow myself to deviate from the standards of perfection. In order to do that I would need to show myself unconditional love.

What would it be like to quit my pharmacy job…?

Today will be the best day ever. Why?

Today I thought what it would be like to actually quit my job. If I were to lose my job tomorrow, then what would I do?

I feel like all those self help and entrepreneur books are starting to meld together. I think about all the support I’ve had for the last few years. Joe, Rich, Can, and all the other people that have come into my life.

I took a look at my book case and my digital products. I have everything setup. I could do podcasts or whatever I wanted to do.

I have all the resources and have prepared for almost every scenario… except my emergency account, which I have about 10+K and a shit load more if I move it into cash.

The stars are aligning. Everything is aligning.

And when Victor, my technician… my brother… my family member got transfered without even telling me… It made it that more clear for me.

Even my stable job isn’t really that stable. Why am I putting all this work into a company, who clearly doesn’t care about me? Why am I devoting my energy into something that doesn’t look out for me or support my dreams?

And it reminds me about my relationship with my dad. I used to put every single thing into that relationship. But no matter what I did, it didn’t matter what I tried. My dad simply wasn’t ready to have that father son relationship. But I tried anyways… just to people please him.

And this is where I need to shift. To take that same “never say die”… that tenacity to let myself grow and be vulnerable.

If there’s one thing that I’m taking is Malan’s video today… “Only good things happen”. Victor leaving my pharmacy was a good thing. My dad treating me like ass was a good thing. Having such failure in my life was a good thing.

Why?

It’s getting me to where I’m supposed to be. Where I want to be.

And so instead of working out of despiration today, I need to work from inspiration. Because I have the tenacity. I proved it all my life. 29 years later I finally connceted and bonded with my dad. And not that bullshit connection.

What else have I learned from this entrepreneur journey?

I learned that if you don’t schedule, organize, and plan you’re doomed for failure. There’s a reason why Navy SEALs always plan. Things don’t happen by accident. You do things with intent and purpose.

Not to say everything needs to be scripted… why? Becasue honestly you don’t know if tomorrow will be there for you. There’s always things that go wrong with every plan and there’s a certain beauty for spontaneous events.

There’s a lot of good happening in my life right now. I feel motivated and grounded. I stated my intention for RH. My channel is growing and production value is getting better. I will be growing my affiliate marketing shit because my affiliate manager responded.

Today is going to be a boss day.

And here is the start of my resignation letter.

Right now…

Hey Michael,

It’s been an amazing few years working for Ralphs. I want to say that I did a lot of growing while I was here.

Some of my most memorable accomplishments…
-Winning Drive for 5
-Building a loving, strong, and supporting team
-Growing 300 to 500 scripts a day
-Appointment based modeling pilot store

It was because of great coaches and mentors like you that allowed me to achieve these accomplishments.

I still remember that first time I wanted to be a Patient Care Coordinator and Pharmacy Coordinator. You said I needed the nuts and bolts, but I had the passion.

Not going to lie… but I was extremelty dissapointed in myself. But in a way, it was a blessing that I didn’t get that position.

Someone once told me in a YouTube video, only good things happen. And that moment forced me to really assess and evaluate myself. I worked harder than ever before.

And honestly for a few years now, I’ve been curious about seeing my full potential as an entrepreneur can be. I’m still young. I still can take risks.

And so today I will be officially submitting my resignation from Ralphs.

Thank you for supporting me along this way. And I hope that you will continue to support me on this journey.

I am open to helping you with anyway I can do to support this transition.

Thank you,

Kevin Yee

And as I’m writing this letter…

I feel cathartic. I feel like I should just quit now… what’s the big deal?

I can fall onto my family for help. I can fall onto my friends for help. Shit. I can fall onto myself for help.

What are all the ways that I can still make money?
-Uber
-Move to a cheaper location
-Help pay down a house
-Move back home
-Pharmacy temp jobs
-Affiliate marketing
-Launch a quick RH product (Create morning ritual $49)
-Flip costco items
-Take out a loan
-YouTube brand deals
-Go part time with Ralphs