What am I doing with my life?

Have you ever taken a step back to think… what am I doing with my life?

More recently I’ve felt this way about my life, specifically my romantic, work, and personal life.

Picking up and leaving LA has brought up a lot of feelings and emotions. Loneliness.

But I needed it.

Sometimes rather than going through the same things over and over, you need to change it up.

So recently with my YouTube videos, I shot a video about being “Why I feel like I’m lost and failing at 33”.

And in the video, I decided to incorporate things like skits and some overhead shots. It’s pretty fun.

I also hired a neurohacking coach, which honestly has been a game changer. Never in my life have I had someone so supportive and empathetic.

For my work life, I decided to not take on any more inbound closing clients for now. I’ve been through so much over the last few months. The last thing I need is more work – even though I could really use the money.

Finally is my relationship life. I’ve decided that I’m not going to date and continue my program with Mark Groves. He’s a relationship expert. And I really fuck with his content. For so long I’ve had such a bad relationship with myself, but I want to change that.

In addition to everything, I’m starting my morning pages, meditating, and doing sauna. I’m also doing yoga and jiu jitsu.

And I’ve been meeting people through Clubhouse too. It’s pretty cool stuff.

But more importantly what I’m not doing is MORE work, which is hard for me because so often I just go on autopilot.

Taking the time to sit with my emotions and check in with my emotional state is pretty new with me.

For so long, I’ve felt like I was in a state of survival. Where it’s like trap or die. Hell this whole blog is named Refugee Hustle.

But this is the next chapter of my life. Where instead of pushing myself to work, I start finding work that I feel pulled towards.

It’s a different feeling. And taking this break is helping me clearly figure out what the hell I want.

The work I want to do needs to be impactful and recreate that “aha” moment for the people I work with.

It allows me to dedicate levels of creativity and strategy – my two favorite things.

And it needs to incorporate the concept of kaizen. Continuous improvement. Otherwise shit gets boring over time.

Connection with other people is essential as well.

I choose to create my best life today

Recently I haven’t felt at my best. I’m going through periods of loneliness of moving to a new city, Las Vegas. And I’m also going through disappointing heartbreak.

The frustrating part for me more recently is just trying to do the best I absolutely can every single day.

I feel like I’m burnt out from doing client work and even in my relationship I feel like I’m discarded. Maybe the common denominator is actually myself.

Am I attracting and attracted to those who are emotional unavailable in my life? Am I attracting really bad clients who aren’t upfront and transparent?

It frustrating to have poured so much of my life into doing my best and not seeing the results that I was expecting. Maybe that’s my problem though.

It’s the expectations that I have on my life and my business that causes this suffering… this pain. It sucks.

It’s so unlike me, but I haven’t been motivated to do anything recently. Like that drive that I had earlier in the year is gone. I’m not sure if it’s exhaustion from pushing myself way too hard or what.

But I know I just need some alone time to do some yoga, jiu jitsu, and do the self work that I’ve been doing. In my opinion that has been the best use of my time and I feel so filled after taking Mark Groves Program.

Anyways one of the things I noticed is that I’m lacking structure in my life. And the discipline to execute on that structure.

I know my life will be so much easier when I’m consistent and doing all the right things. Right now what I think I need is another week to relax and do the things that I want. It’s like that inner child within me that has been repressed so long.

This is one of the things I noticed pharmacy did to me was repress my feelings. And being in non-committed relationships both in my family and romantic probably hasn’t helped either.

So what’s the new decision I want to make?

To do cool kick ass projects that I want to do. At heart, I know that I’m desitined to impact the world. Maybe it’s through my stories. Or through persuassion or influence.

And how I want to treat people is with being unappologetically authentic, rebellious, and compassionate.

I choose to create my best life today.

I’m in a productivity slump

So recently I’ve been down in the dumps with my sales, YouTube channel, and everything else in life. Sometimes I feel like an absolute failure and because of it I feel like I lack energy.

When I think about some of the factors when it comes to zapping my energy, I think being in scarcity or survival mode vs being in flow. I think having to check every single box so I don’t mess up a deal.

Yesterday I was speaking to Eugene, my pharmacy friend Neurohacking coach. And we were talking about flow state. It’s the state when you lose track of time, environment, and your body.

It’s been so long since I’ve really felt this way. I remember closing back to back deals and it feeling like I was on top of the world. And I miss that.

Contrast it to now – I feel like I’m dreading these calls sometimes. Like I have all the energy sucked out of me. And maybe it’s because more recently I’m connected to an outcome or I feel like I need to make a certain amount, which honestly stresses me out.

With additional news, sometimes I feel like so burnt out from the move, the emotional exhaustation of the breakup, saying goodbye to my friends… all this hasn’t been super easy for me as well.

It’s been awhile since I’ve wrote in a journal where I’ve been doing this morning dump at the top of my head. And what I realize too is that I don’t spend or invest enough time for myself. Part of the reason I believe is that I have this internal belief that I’m not good enough.

Maybe it was from dad or just always feeling the need to hustle to prove myself. It’s gotten me to where I am right now. And it sucks.

But deep down inside I know everything that I’m experiencing – it’s all temporary. The anxiety and stress will go away. Everything will pass with time.

And I’m actually in a prime spot to succeed. I’ve lowered all my expenses to the point where I don’t have to pay rent or tax. I can double down on my business instead. And I have all the essential relationships that I need or want in my life.

The only thing that is stopping me is my state management and that’s why hiring Eugene for $6500 makes sense. When I was closing and was at the top of my game, I was making that in just one day. But the truth is I need help.

What I don’t need help with is tactical. Not because I “know” everything. But because I’ve done it before – so what could really change?

Anyways I’m just worried I’ll lose my clients due to my state management. I fell like I’m not sharp enough right now and that I don’t have the systems in place. This is the “dip” that Seth Godin talks about.

…so how can I make this better?

For one thing I can hire my coach and ask him… can I have daily talks? Another thing is how can I build systems in place where I don’t feel burnt out all the time and can feed back into myself?

What are those things that make me happy? Talking with my friends. Jiu jitsu. Yoga. Hiking. Working out. Just lying down and doing nothing. More than that shooting videos that explain what I’m doing and what I’m going through.

I’m sure there’s more things, but these are the important things that matter a lot to me at this moment in time.

Dealing with post breakup anger

Recently I’ve been pretty angry with the whole breakup thing. Sometimes I feel like I’ve been abandoned or left behind. And it’s a shitty feeling.

On the logic side, it makes sense. Someone doesn’t feel the same anymore and they breakup. Things don’t work out for you anymore.

But emotionally I can’t helped but feeling betrayed. The words of… I always be there. And them in fact never being there and disappearing from my life.

There’s so many times when those same words were spoken to me. And I can’t help think – “You’re a fucking liar. I hope you die and hope to watch you burn in hell”.

Is it right? Is it fair? I don’t think so. But if I were to be honest that’s just how I feel. Deserted. Discarded. Not worth it.

Surrender

Those are the words that I’ve thought about for the last few days.

It’s the words that I don’t want to hear. Why? It’s a blow to my ego.

Swallowing the truth that I have my limits brings the feeling hopelessness. It reminds me that I don’t have control every aspect of my life.

But within surrendering brings hope. By letting go of everything I don’t have control over, I’m able to hyperfocus on what I can control.

Last year I went through rough patch.

I faced the reality of potentially losing my mom with her brain tumor

I took a major hit financially with my high ticket sales clients

My relationship dissolved and went through a breakup

And even with the start of the year, I’m finding out that I might have to leave my current living situation.

None of this is easy. I definitely don’t want this stuff to happen. But sometimes I wish that life would just cut me a break.

But that’s out of my control. So what can I focus on?

Getting therapy to help me cope emotionally in my situation

Hiring a YouTube coach and business coach to help give me outside perspective on where I should focus on my business

Writing down my goals and researching areas to relocate to where it will still allow me to hit my relationship, health, and financial goals

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to do this shit. But I realize that what I’m going through is temporary. Nothing is permanent.

Do I know where I’ll be in the next year? No. And I don’t think anyone knows.

If I’m still alive, all I know is that I’ll be doing the same thing. Facing life head on, controlling what I can, and surrendering to whatever is out there.

Should I move back home?

Man. 2021 is not off to a great start.

Recently I got the news that my landlord wants to not renew our lease, which means… I need to look for a new place.

Especially as a business owner, this can be disruptive. I’m thinking about… what am I going to do with my stuff? Should I move into another apartment? Should I move back home temporarily?

For me it’s not easy especially during a pandemic.

But one of the things, I’ve just been focusing on is making the most out of my situation and thinking creatively.

I came to California because I wanted to grow and for a pharmacist career. But does it even make sense for me to stay here even if I’m not practicing?

I don’t think there’s any right or wrong. I just need to make a decision and stick to it. Maybe it’s this fear that I won’t be able to move back. Or the fear of losing my friends.

Eitherway I just need to decide what I want to do next. And ask what’s best for my future. No one else’s.

How I Get Out of a Productivity Slump

Have you ever had one of a productivity slumps?

A productivity slump is when you have consistent unproductive streaks. Its where the momentum of inaction dominates the momentum of action.

And the energy drain so real that no amount of coffee, lion’s mane, or tulsi can pull you out.

For me? I’m currently going on a 7 day streak. Yes – one week of staring at my action items. But here is what I learned:

  1. Reset. What I didn’t do was mentally reset on day one. Big mistake. What I learned that it’s important to take a step back to reset and not let negative momentum carry on to the next day. It starts with the conscious decision of say… Bad days happen, but I’m not going to let this bleed into tomorrow. Tomorrow is a new day.

Restrategize. I have a habit of banging my head against a brick wall and expecting the same outcome. For productivity, it meant writing down my daily action items and adding those actions items into the next day. This was energy sucking for me because I was in a constant state of playing catch up. The truth was I was probably way to aggressive with my goals and didn’t consider my resources enough. Instead I wish I asked… Why is this happening? What can I do to strategize better? And do I need to eliminate tasks or readjust my timelines?

Reengage. Momentum is one of those forces that is powerful. Only caveat? It works both ways. So what I’m doing today is picking the simplest, most powerful task to get it kickstarted. The hyperfocus on a single task removes the emotional overwhelm.

That’s my 3-step formula for slipping out of my productivity slump. I was going to call it the Ruff Ryders Reset.

But anyways how do you get out of your productivity slump? Comment below 👇

Have you been doing it wrong the whole time?

977 videos. According to Social Blade, that’s how many YouTube videos I’ve shot since starting my YouTube channel.

…but was I doing it wrong the whole time?

That’s what I thought when I started learning from people like Ali Abdaal.

Gary Vee tells us to “get those reps in”. But no one talks about making those reps count.

Reps are important when starting, but there’s diminishing returns.

Looking back, I wish I invested that rep time into tuning into the top performers and market response and taking more time to strategize.

Strategy is the most underrated thing in 2021.

When to let go of friendships

Recently I had a friend write me an email about our friendship. He felt like I was condescending, disrespectful, and took advantage of him.

No lie. I was hurt. Why?

That’s not how I viewed our friendship with him or any of my other friendships. And honestly it just felt out of the blue.

But the hard part in these moments is to step back and ask… Is this true? And more importantly what are some lessons to learn?

What I learned was that yes there’s always I can do. Be a better listener. Be more attentative to people’s needs.

But also at the same time is to look at my relationships. What were the common traits between them?

We show appreciation and gratitude to each other. We communicate our needs. We can disagree and have open and honest communication without assuming ill intent. We support each other during hard times and enjoy our time during the good. We have a journey of self improvement and self discovery.

More importantly do these problems that my friend brought up. Are they brought up in other areas of my life?

No. Not really. My friendships are great. I feel rich in this area in life. Do I have rough patches? Absolutely. Sure – no one is perfect including myself. But I feel happy with them.

But the most important question to ask is… what sort of relationships do I want to have going forward?

Positive. Supportive. Open, honest, and raw. Communicating our needs. Most importantly, we show gratitude for each other, empathetic, and forgiving for each other’s actions.

And hell the last thing I want is to hold on to a relationship that isn’t serving or building resentment.

Positive energy is the most important thing.

That’s when you need to let go of friendships.

Flow state while dealing with early morning insomnia

Back in high school, I used to write about my day. Everything I did. Like literally. From homework assignments to arguments with my dad.

And to be honest I’m glad I did journal these.

What I realized is that you can never get these moments back in life. Even if I really wanted to remember these moments, these moments are lost forever.

Back when I journaled, I found myself more creative and more carefree. A huge piece of me wants to go back to that time.

As I get older I find myself becoming more routine and honestly less spontaneous and fun because I’m trying to hit my goals.

And the stress? It’s been eating me away. Currently right now I’m dealing with early morning insomnia. And it feels worse than ever.

But the cool thing is I’m still able to see the glimpse of flow. Meaning when I do work? Man I’m just in flow state and the creative juices flow out.